This isn't a post about how I've perfected the art of letting go. I have yet to perfect anything. It is about how one subtle shift in mindset can radically change your life. Like most everyone in the world I started the pandemic in a state of confusion, very much not wanting to let go of the life I was used to, assuming this would only last a month, then two, then maybe six months. I started off feeling anxious, drinking too much, eating too much, grabbing onto anything that would make me feel better temporarily. Slowly I put down the ice cream and started making better choices, but it wasn't until the end of summer when I was able to take a little family trip to a local beach, that I started to settle into this idea of letting go.
What I realized, through all the turmoil, was that I have so little control over any of this. I realized that if I stopped stressing about what I don't have control over, I could be free from it. Or at least it would free me up to worry about only a small fraction of things that are going on in my life. I mentally made a list of the things I have control over: my happiness, my mental health, my emotions, doing my best at work and as a parent, what I cook and eat, and my exercise routine. And that is about it. What I don't have control over: the pandemic, my government and the choices they make, my family and friends' opinions, the way the pandemic impacts any part of my life (work, finances, school, etc). This subtle reminder shifted my mental state so radically. Any time I was upset about my daughter's screen time or her not being in school with her friends, I simply reminded myself that that wasn't my fault. Anytime I got upset about how the government was handling things, I reminded myself that this was in the bucket labeled "things I have no control over". Just permitting myself to let go of those things freed me up to allow in more happiness.
I have been a fan of the idea of clearing out space (both physically and mentally) since I read Marie Kondo back in 2015. After reading that book I did the clearing out of my home. Within a few months, I got a new job, a new car, and a new home. Since then I have been transformed by this concept. Clearing out space does allow you to attract more of what you desire, things that are better aligned with your new mental state and generally frees up space for more good to enter. That is what I think happened when I freed up all that mental space of anxiety and worrying about things that I can't control. Suddenly I was able to start attracting all the things I needed to heal physically. I was able to start listening to my intuition.
I wrote about this in more detail in my last blog post, but my intuition guided me to becoming plant-based, giving up alcohol, and working with a naturopathic doctor to heal my hormonal imbalances, immune system, and adrenal issues. I also tuned in to doing some deep neural manifestation and healing work through "The Pathway". I wasn't able to hear these "pings" before because I was stuck in a state of worry, anxiety, and fear. Luckily, I had been through this before and was able to recognize this state for what it was, and as soon as I made the choice to choose something different, the Universe was there to show me a better way. I just had to be crystal clear about my intention and let go of what wasn't serving me. Then my intuition became loud and clear and was able to start guiding me.
I know this pandemic is difficult for many and we all deal with things in our way. I am not here to judge anyone or say that I am better than anyone because I figured it all out. Far from it, I am nowhere near perfect. I just got the ping this morning, while making my coffee that I should share this experience. I do think that I am having an easier time dealing with some of the consequences of this pandemic, like the loss of some of our previous freedoms and lack of socialization, because I decided to reframe this experience or make the best of it. Instead of focusing on the lack and loss, I decided this is an opportunity to use the time to do some healing work (such as "The Pathway"). I reframed not being able to travel and go out to eat as an opportunity to focus on consistently preparing nutritious food for myself at home. I reframed the lack of socialization as an opportunity to read more books, work on this blog, do more art, learn something new (like Shibori, candle making, soap, and bath bombs). I know eventually, we will be able to resume some social interactions and I look forward to that day (hopefully by summer), but in the meantime, I am making the best of it. I'm doing my best and that is all I can ask of myself.
I know this may be easier for some than others and that is perfectly ok. We are all different and that is what makes this life so perfectly imperfect. I hope that if you are reading this and experiencing any of those lack feelings that this pandemic has imbued, you will be inspired to permit yourself to let that go. I promise it is not serving you and if you give yourself that little gift, you will start to feel so much better. It does take time, grace, and constantly reminding yourself. But, perhaps you and I can come out of this whole experience a little better than where we started back in March 2020. Or at least we will know how to make bread or soap or speak a new language. I just keep reminding myself that there is an end in sight. Then I ask myself, who do I want to be when I emerge from this? The answer is a better version of who I am today. It is a simple answer but one that allows me so much freedom to choose things that make me happier, even if just a teensy tiny bit. It all adds up.
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